


Part of a Family

by Lulu_1777



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bat Brothers, Bat Family, Batfamily Feels, Beating, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Bruce Wayne Has Issues, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Damian Wayne is Robin, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Help, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd Needs Help, Jason Todd crying, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Jason goes home, Major Character Injury, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Tim Drake is Red Robin, Tim Drake watches over Jason, sad Jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 02:37:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17296148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lulu_1777/pseuds/Lulu_1777
Summary: “‘Cause I’m so good at being part of a family.”These words, spoken with as much truth as he could muster, were words often said. Their meaning not only for his past family, his first family, but his second as well.I wrote this after seeing a picture on Pinterest where Jason said, “‘Cause I’m so good at being part of a family.” I hope you enjoy, this took me forever and really made me emotional. Jason deserves the best.





	Part of a Family

 

“‘Cause I’m _so_ good at being part of a family.”

These words, spoken with as much truth as he could muster, were words often said. Their meaning not only for his past family, his _first_ family, but his second as well.

He found himself more times than not, saying them when he was alone. Injured, his family no where to be seen. In truth he only had himself to blame, for he was the cause of all his current pain, but even then did he dare to hope. Dick had showed him kindness, his lack of insults on their last mission a step in the right direction. Tim, even, hadn’t said anything sarcastic towards him, but then again he never really spoke to Jason anyway. Damian was another story, he _always_ said what was on his mind.

You’re a mistake.

You’re not part of the family.

You should have stayed dead.

Really, Jason can’t fault him for speaking the truth, for all Damian was doing was telling him what he already knew. He _was_ a mistake. He _wasn’t_ part of the family. And, yes, he _should_ have stayed dead.

Sometimes he even found himself on a roof, his body one step away from plummeting to the ground, a death he wished he could give himself. It would help the others no doubt, save them from their constant thoughts on whether or not he would snap again. So no, he wasn’t part of the family, never really had been if he was being honest with himself.

He never was though, honest, with himself.

Even now, as he sits on the roof, a five story drop right beneath his feet. There are tears running down his blank face, their salty taste mixing with blood from his split lip. He had been sloppy tonight, his punches pulled, his shots off, but even those were with rubber instead of metal. It was a step in the right direction, one that should have put a smile on his face, but instead made him feel hollow.

Dick hadn’t looked at him all night, Tim wouldn’t go within ten meters of him, and Damian didn’t want him contaminating his air. Not even Bruce noticed the lack of metal, the pulled punches, the beating.

In reality Jason shouldn’t have let the thug beat him, but the pain had been _too_ good. It left him dizzy, drunk, all his thoughts and self-loathing gone, as if they’d never been. No, he wasn’t a pain junky, he didn’t cut himself for a taste of relief. No, Jason wasn’t a cutter, but that didn’t mean he didn’t let others deliver his pain. For pain was the only feeling that took everything else along with it, leaving him numb, something he wished he always was.

Of course Bruce and the others didn’t notice, his beating over as quick as it was started. No, his ‘brothers’ and ‘father’ had run home, their thoughts on a hot shower and warm beds. They left Jason’s broken body in that alley, alone, an unconscious thug his only company. He hadn’t wanted to stop the guy, was perfectly fine with letting himself be killed, but what if they needed him? What if he could give his life for one of theirs one day?

Would he be worthy then?

Would they love him?

Would, _Bruce,_ love him?

All the answers he sought would never be his, as he sat alone, wounded, on a roof in Gotham. His family was home, together, the outcast where he belonged, alone. “‘Cause I’m _so_ good at being part of a family,” he whispered, his bare and bruised chest trembling in the cold. The blood had long since dried, leaving his skin stiff, his boots stained with his life-force. He didn’t hear the footsteps until they were too close, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. He didn’t turn around.

“What do you need?”

When the footsteps continued without a response Jason turned, his tear tracked and bloody face the last thing on his mind, he met Tim’s stare head on. “I saw you,” Tim muttered, his face haunted and his eyes leaking. He stared at Jason as if he saw a ghost, his skin painfully pale, “you let him beat you, rip you to shreds, and then you left him.”

Jason just stared, his vision clear but clouded at the same time. What was he supposed to say, that he liked being beat up, that the pain made him numb. It was obvious Tim was waiting on him to talk, to explain why he did it, to tell him he was just seeing things, but Jason couldn’t. Wouldn’t, if he was being truthful, but what was even worse, he didn’t want to.

“You didn’t kill him, you didn’t ask for help, you left. Why didn’t you ask for help? I would’ve helped you, the others, they would have helped you. Why did you do it Jason?”

Tim was crying now, his hands fisted by his sides, he was furious with Jason. It made Jason look away, the tears on his face ceasing for a moment, just a moment, while he thought of what to say. “I let him beat me because it felt good, felt right, I needed him too. I needed someone to wake me up, to help me feel numb again, so I could be _me_ again.”

Tim froze, his face paling even more, but it didn’t stop Jason from continuing. No, if Tim wanted to know, then Jason would tell him. “I didn’t ask for help because only ‘family’ asks for help. None of you would’ve heard me, the wayward son, the outcast, the failure. No! You were too caught up with living your perfect lives, the dead son never a thought to cross your minds. I was always there, Tim, in the background, and not once did any of you check on me, talk to me, help me! Even Dick has turned his back on me when all I’ve been doing, I’ve been doing to prove to you that I’m better, that I’m different, that I want to change. So why? Why are you here Tim? What could you possibly want from me?”

There was nothing but silence, the truth hung out in the open, it was only then that Jason realized he’d done it. He’d poured it all out, let his heart do the talking, and now he could feel again. He felt sadness, rage, hope, loneliness, but above all, he felt more bodies.

While he’d been ‘pouring’ it out, others members of his ‘family’ had shown up. Their still and silent forms making Jason itch, a need to push off the ledge and fall rising within him. He didn’t want to look, but knew he needed to, and took one last look at the city, the city he loved and hated, before turning to face them.

Tim was still there, his face still pale but hollow this time. Dick wasn’t far behind him, crying openly while clutching his stomach. Jason was surprised to find Damian there, his face both blank and filled with sorrow, Jason wondered if the kid realized he was showing emotion. Bruce was the last, with his mouth dropped open, Jason was dumbfounded to find him crying, one of his big hands clutching at his chest, above his heart.

“What? That wasn’t what you wanted to hear? It’s the truth, you know, but I could sugar-coat it for you. I could say that I’m fine, that I don’t have problems, that I’m not… lonely. But I’m done lying, I’m done hiding, and I’m _done_ trying to prove myself to you. This is me, this who I’ve always been, and I’m trying to change, but it isn’t working! Why isn’t it working, huh, Bruce?”

Bruce’s face fell, his eyes closing for a moment before reopening to pierce Jason with sadness. It was a surprise when he was the first one to move, not Tim, not Dick, not Damian, no, Bruce. He walked towards Jason with his hands by his sides, his head hung low, and looked down at him with guilt before kneeling.

Jason let himself cry then, just let his dam break, his pain there for everyone to see. He let Bruce cup his face, let him pull him into his chest, let him wrap him up in a crushing hug. He wasn’t aware the others had joined in until Bruce spoke, his voice making him open his weary eyes. “My son, you are not a failure, you are not an outcast, and you certainly aren’t a wayward son. You are Jason Todd, my second son, my little boy. This is all _my_ fault. If only I’d noticed, if only I’d talked to you instead of fear you would run away, if only-

Bruce stopped and looked to the sky, his grip tightening on Jason before he continued, his voice growing horse. “This is all my fault, if I’d only treated you like family, helped you, then maybe you wouldn’t be so broken. I broke you, my son, and for that I’m sorry. I’m more sorry than you could possibly imagine, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fix you, that I can’t help you now. You have gotten better, Jason, I’ve noticed, only now I get to tell you. You’ve come back strong, brave, and hopeful. Things I can’t say about myself, things I’ve never been able to say about myself, but I see them in you. You have been through _so_ much, much more than any of us have, but don’t you dare think that you aren’t family, you hear me, because you’re as much a part of this family as Dick is, as Tim is, even Damian. We all love you, and after hearing what Tim saw, we realized we’d made a mistake, and we’ve come to bring you home.”

The words should have helped, they did in a way, but Jason still felt the fear. Fear that this was all a dream, that none of those ‘words’ had been real, that they were never spoke and never would be. But as he looked up, Bruce’s tear stained face close to his, he knew this was reality. They _had_ come back for him, they _did_ love him, and he _was_ part of their family.

Jason smiled, a choked sob breaking free of his lips as he looked at his family. Dick was behind him, his arms wrapped tight around his middle, he was whispering ‘I’m sorry Jay’ over and over again. Tim was likewise beside him, his face still hollow and pale, but he was gripping Jason’s right arm now. And last, but certainly not least, Damian was at his left, small tears sliding down his face. He hadn’t touched Jason yet, but the look in his eyes told Jason more than a hug would, he was guilty and sad, and loved Jason just like the rest.

“Just help me not feel alone anymore, help me feel more than numb. ‘Cause I’ve _never_ been good at being part of a family.”

 

 


End file.
